Boys have curls too and other tips on viewing children

With all of my free time today, I have decided to sit and write a short little number on commenting on other people's children...a mini-guide useful to those haven't been around children lately, or to those who might be interested in brushing up on what to say when encountering them (and their mamas)!
The crucial thing to remember when spotting a mom with her child is, no matter what you think about that baby or toddler in his/her mother's arms, that mother knows (from the depths of her sleep-deprived, just shy of pulling out all of her hair soul) that her baby or toddler is the most remarkable child on the planet. And while, ironically, the mother might joke about the reasons she has pulled out every ounce of her hair, that child is still the greatest child on earth. Period. And you have no business joining in on the mother's talk about why she has pulled out her hair. Because it's her hair, not yours. Your hair is in tact just fine and her child is perfect, remember? Keep that in mind when you speak about a baby's looks...You don't have to be original. You don't even have to--i'm whispering now--tell the truth. Politely rely on an old standard like, "What a doll," or "How cute." Risky phrases are even okay as long as they're said with the right tone and facial expression..."You don't see a smile like that just anywhere!" spoken with a genuine grin can make a mother think her son/daughter is not like all the rest of the children out there...he/she is special and this nice stranger has noticed...
Like a good teacher should, I know it's important to not just tell you what to do, but show you as well. Here's an example then.
Let's just say that there is a mother pushing her child in a stroller. Let's get nuts and say that she's pushing TWO children, in a double stroller...the babies appear to be about 14 months apart. It's Sunday morning and, aside from the babies, the mother is obviously alone. She is doing her best to get this monstrous rolling advertisement of wheels without WD-40 (the aforementioned double stroller) into the elevator. In fact, she's done well to have been at church at all, dressed and hair neatly brushed! As the last stroller wheel slides into the elevator and pushes all occupants to each corner, the inevitable occurs. All attention focuses on the babies, as well it should. Perhaps, in this Example, there is a young, single, beautifully dressed and coifed woman facing the youngest baby. And then arrives the all important moment--the mother knows that the comments are coming..."Oh look, she's so..." How should this woman who apparently had time to shower, do her hair, make-up, put on her open-toe heels (because she had time to paint her toe nails too), and pack a matching handbag, finish that sentence?
Well, I'll tell you what she SHOULDN'T say. She should NOT look at the precious 10 week old who-did-not-make-a-peep-during-the-service-and-is-an-absolute-angel and exclaim, "Oh, she's so...ANGRY. Look, her brow is so furrowed. Don't do that, the wrinkles will stick, honey." Hmmm...
ANGRY? My dear coifed lady, did you notice the pink bow in her hair?, her adorable outfit? her uncommonly gorgeous blue eyes? Give the sweet child a break-she's only been physically capable of a non-gaseous smile for 7-10 days now. And quite frankly, I'm not sure she wants to smile at your comment...clearly you've not read my guide to viewing children...
And so the coifed woman in the elevator evoked MamaBear and the situation deteriorated rapidly. My friends, truly, you want to avoid this at all costs.
Finally, I'd like to leave you with one last wise thought-just because a toddler has adorable, sandy-blonde curls that wisp around the ears (with a somewhat shorter hairline making the whole "do" seem a little mullet-esque), semi-long eyelashes curling over hazel eyes, do not be like the lady at the post office and assume that the child is a girl. Boys have curls too. With that, I leave you to go flatter mothers everywhere.